It's okay. I forgive everything.

I hope you know I loved you,
But you need to know I don't.
The problem still kills,
But you don't hurt me no more.
Your eyes, they're still the same,
But they don't see me no more.
My eyes, they're not the me you knew,
And they don't see you no more.
My fingers don't remember you,
My body doesn't feel your touch,
My mind, it doesn't think of you,
You're not mine, I'm not yours.
You used to cry when I did,
But you don't cry no more.
You used to laugh and smile at me,
But you can't hear me no more.
I used to believe that you'd love me,
But I don't love you no more.
I used to think your eyes would only see me,
But I don't know you no more.
You used to tell me "don't be scared",
But there's no us no more.

Halloween

fuck me, scare me,
satisfy me,
only thing that does this for me,
dressing up, or dressing down,
we will run all over town,
even if that loses me you,
next year here you'll be, i bet you,
love you, want you,
waiting for you,
of course, i'll always be here for you,
lipstick red, or blue, or black,
i always know that you'll be back,
favourite time and favourite look,
halloween; it's me you shook.


i'm like, totally super excited for Halloween.
i'm being a (sexy) rag doll :D
09/26/09 (a month exactly from my birthday!)

cha-ching.

Here's the money:

Knowing that love ends,

Makes you motherfucking rich.

And coming to accept it,

Makes you the motherfucking bitch.

Made me a bitch.

But I'm better off this way.

I think no matter what happens in life,

You choose whether it ruins you,

Or makes you.

And baby, this made me.

cliffs.

i am the edge.
the fucking gritty edge.
boys hang on and hang on and i shift and they fall.
fall for me.
hanging on gets addictive.
but you know that.

Dreams

He comes to her door.
She says, "Oh, here are your clothes."
And he takes her hand softly as she turns to get the bag of clothes and says,
"I'm not here for the clothes."
"Then what do you want, ----?"
"You." He looks at her with eyes full of nothing but sincerity, something she takes as vulnerability.
No one should ever show her vulnerability.
"It's you I want. I made a mistake, Amy. She was nothing.. I-I was confused.. I-"
"So you want me back now? Is that what you're saying?"
"Yes. Yes, that's what I'm saying."
"Then you're an idiot.
"If you think you can come into my home after months of humiliating me with that hag,
and get me back, you never, ever, knew me."
"Amy, I-"
"Shut up! Do you know who I am?!
I am Amy ------! And you are ------- --------!
And I motherfucking hate you! You are terrible.
And I am so much better than you in every way.
Hell, I'm hotter than you, even!
Here are you clothes.
You will never touch me again, kiss me again, hold me again, or tell me you love me again.
I will never be yours again."

My heart was broken. But it's not.

You can't have me.
What you can have is a choke.



"I love you", he whispered in her ear as he kissed under her jawline.
And now she wishes she would have said, "What the fuck? Get out."
But she didn't. She said it back.
And she dreams versions of this all the time, wishing nothing had ever happened.
This was the demise about her belief of true love.
He could have said anything else.
But he didn't.
And even if he did love her, he doesn't anymore.
But what can she do? Nothing.
And she doesn't love him either.
It's the saddest thing she's ever know; love ending.
Now all that's left is that dead feeling people get after the person they love
leaves.
Leaves forever.
And she'll find the perfect person. She will.
Just not for a long, long time.
But she's scared he's going to try to say it again.
She is actually scared of something that she's sure won't happen,
two completely conflicting beliefs.
It won't happen, for sure, but she is so scared.
So terrified of what she might have to do if he were ever to try to get in again.
In her life. She doesn't want it.
She truely does not want him back.
She doesn't even tell of all the dreams she has, going back in time and being mean while she could.
But she can't.
She was good. And nice. And not herself.
She's a bitch. A cold-hearted. back-stabbing-if-she-could bitch.
She hates him, she really does.
But she likes stories. She definitely likes stories.
And when dramatic things happen, she tells.
Like, if he were to say it again.
She would make it perfect.
Make up for everything she didn't say before.
"That is so fucked up. Get the fuck out. Get the fuck out of my life.
And don't you ever think you can turn back.
There's no turning room, and I'm not about to make some.
You'll only screw me over. And no one. Screws me. Over.
Ever."
She should have said that.
But she didn't.


Version of a dream 09/11/09
Dreamed 08/11/09
It's so true.

you can hate me, but i beat you to it.

Do you ever let your mind wander like I do?
Think of your life like every romantic drama you've ever seen.
Wouldn't you love it if they did beg you to take them back?
Tell you they love you and losing you was the biggest mistake they've ever made?
But they don't.
They just stop caring.
In 24 hours, all the love is gone.
You don't know how it happened, but it doesn't matter anymore.
You can't change a damn thing, so understanding isn't important.
And then you get to a point where you're happy you can't change anything.
You realize they're a prick and you want nothing to do with them, maybe.
Or you leave the city, and forget.
They've forgotten you.
And as hard as it is to come to terms with that, it's the truth.
A part of you will always want there to be a part of them that won't forget.
A part of them that will want you back, in some way or another, everytime they see you.
It's like that for some of us.
Maybe one or two past lovers would do anything to have you back if they got the chance.
But the problem with life is, no one knows what the most important thing is:
Love.
Whatever way you want it, healthy, toxic, fun, adventurous..
Love is everything.
Which is why people want there to be more attached to love.
They don't want to believe love, true love, can end.
But it can.
It does.
And maybe you want to convince yourself that person never loved you.
But sometimes the truth can't leave.
You know they wouldn't have cried for you that way, wouldn't have wanted to die for you,
if they never loved you.
Love is an easy thing.
And the hardest thing in the world.